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The Saints are headed to Houston on Sunday to personally thank the Texans for Reggie Bush and take a figurative dump on the Lone Star State for that other Bush they loaded off on America. It’s a battle of hungry 4-5 teams, both fighting for their postseason lives. Who will win the match-up? Well, to understand the future, we must first look to the past. (Cue blurry effect and mystifying music…)

Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

Once upon a time, a team called the Oilers played in Houston. But greedy owners, who believed the grass and the money were greener in newer stadiums, packed up their team, saddled up, and hit the hills for Tennessee. What does it take to lure back a greedy whore? Why you build a beautiful whorehouse of course! So, Houston built a brand spankin’ new stadium and named it Reliant, and the NFL was pleased. The commissioner awarded the city an expansion team which was creatively donned “The Houston Texans.” Alas, there was no happily ever after, as the Texans not only sucked but shared a division with the Super Bowl contending Titans, Jaguars, and Colts.

When it comes to the Texans, Where’s the beef?

With the Saints in NFC oblivion and the Texans in AFC hell, no one imagined these teams would ever have reason to sneer at each other. Then came April 29, 2006. After finishing 2-14, the Texans had the #1 pick in the 2006 draft and hopes were high in Space City because they had first dibs on USC stud/running back phenom Reggie Bush. But in a draft day twist, regarded by many as the biggest flub in NFL draft history, Houston management spaced out and chose defensive end Mario Williams. The Saints, with the #2 pick, tapped Reggie and went 10-6 that season and earned their first NFC Championship berth. The Texans, meanwhile, still sucked.

Payton, We Have a Problem

So what does it all mean for Sunday’s game? Have you not been paying attention? Drama’s about to unfold people! That Super Mario brother has a Texas sized chip on his shoulder and would want nothing more than to destroy Reggie on Sunday and prove he deserved top billing in the ’06 draft. Not to mention the fact that Houston is coming off a much needed bye-week. (Anybody remember what happened when we played that other passing team fresh off a bye week?) The Texans will also be playing with their recovered starters. Quarterback Matt Schaub is returning from a concussion injury and wide receiver Andre Johnson is coming back from his knee sprain. Oh, and the Texans, who are ranked 7^th in NFL passing, will have the pleasure of throwing against Jason “Please Cut Me” David.

The Stars at Night are Shining Bright…

While it’s not shaping up to be a cakewalk in the city of the spacewalk, there is good news. Texans star corner Dunta Robinson is injured and likely out of the season. (Okay, so maybe it’s not good news for him.) Houston’s coaching staff has spent the week shuffling players around to compensate for the loss of Robinson who had 34 tackles and 2 interceptions before injuring his ACL. Hopefully, Robinson’s injury will allow the Saints to do what other teams have done to us: pick on a weakened secondary.

Saints Offensive lineman Jammal Brown is expected back at work this Sunday after sitting out most of last week’s game. That’s good news for Brees who has the prospect of seeing DeMeco Ryans, 2006 defensive rookie of the year, in his face all afternoon. Reggie Bush will meet up with Mario Williams on plays where he works with the offensive line to keep Brees protected in the pocket. So look for the Fox announcers to sicken us with mentions of this ballyhooed match up throughout the game.

We can only hope the thousands of New Orleans evacuees who relocated to Houston after Katrina will infiltrate Reliant Stadium once again on Sunday. Except this time, they won’t be going through hell, they’ll be given em hell. Yee Haw!

Chicks Prediction: Saints 21 – Texans 17

-Chick-a-Dee

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