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While everyone else is signing their lives away to a gym they’ll only go to the first week of January, the Chicks are getting some other things in order in 2008. (Don’t worry; the inevitable beer gut we’re working on will be tended to eventually…)

First Resolution of 2008: Be more positive.

So the Saints once again allowed the Chicago Bears to chew up, vomit out, and dance on their Super Bowl dreams. At least we fans can now enjoy a Sunday of football without the rage-ful urge to throw our TVs out the window. And besides, there was some good that came out of the last game of the season: Pierre Thomas found his way. We’ll have more on Pierre in a moment, but first…

Second Resolution of 2008: Be more compassionate.

Listen Saints Defense, we all make mistakes, so don’t beat yourselves up about it. Sure you made Kyle Orton (whoever the hell that is) look like Tom Brady on his best day and sure you got burned more than Penny from Good Times in that child abuse episode. It’s okay. You were just tired. After all, you’ve been doing this for 16 weeks. Who could expect you to still play with fire, passion, and skill in a game that would decide your playoff possibilities?

Third Resolution of 2008: Learn to Let Things Go

Let’s be honest for a moment: The 2007 Chicks would still be in an alcohol-induced coma after taking stock of the past season of Saints football. But the New Chicks, the 2008 Chicks, have already started dreaming up positive possibilities for our season in 2008. We’re watching the bowl games and evaluating the draft class to get a sense of how we can benefit from this new flock of fresh meat entering the NFL. We could go on and on about the sloppy play the Saints exhibited on every side of the ball on and off throughout the past season, we can torture ourselves with the endless “what-ifs” that go along with reflection, but in the end, where does that get us? (Likely in rehab canoodling with the likes of young Hollywood ho-bags and actors who use homophobic slurs, but we digress…)

Fourth Resolution of 2008: Get Sloppy Drunk No More than Twice A Week

Since the Saints are now out of it, this should be an easy one (at least until August.)

Fifth Resolution of 2008: Develop Healthy Obsessions

If loving Reggie is wrong, we don’t want to be right. Still, there comes a time in every Chick’s life when she has to focus her attention on people and things that will appreciate her sick fascination. Like say, Pierre Thomas.

It wasn’t very long ago that we wrote a short bio on Pierre and explored the possibility of becoming one of his groupies. Midway through the season, we were imploring the Coach to put him in, to give him a shot. Last Sunday against the Bears, he justified our implorations. Sure, we was playing to an audience of hometown fans who came to watch him make his Soldier Field debut, but who cares about what motivated his impressive play. What matters most is that he was playing with heart.
So Pierre, when you get that creepy feeling this year that someone is watching you from afar, perhaps digging through your trash, or sneaking into your home at night and sniffing your laundry, don’t freak out!! Just consider it our way of saying “Hello.” (Oh and f.y.i., we frown at restraining orders. Not cool Reggie, not cool…)

Sixth Resolution of 2008: Karma Cleanser

As is typical of most football fans that realize their teams aren’t going to the playoffs, our M.O. this time of year is to hate on all the teams that are in the playoffs. Death to the Patriots! Death to the Cowboys! Death to the Redskins, Packers, Seahawks, Vikings, Patriots, Giants, Chargers, Patriots, etc.! But not this year, oh no, not in 2008. We say good luck to all team and best wishes to their fans. (With the exception of course being the Patriots, cause not hating them just feels wrong.)

It’s time for a fresh start people. Join the Chicks as we attempt to better ourselves as people and as football fans. Oh, and if you could cut us some slack for breaking resolution four every now and again, that’d be awesome. WHO DAT in ’08 and Forever!!! (No matter how much it slowly kills us)

Filed under: NFL 2008