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1. Fashion Fouls Are Part of the Game
-From the announcers to the coaches on the sidelines, the stomach turning tropical shirts were out in full-force. You’ve got to wonder if it’s a sort of psychological warfare. Those loud, clashing, poly-blend disasters certainly had me mesmerized. Might explain why no seemed interested in playing defense.

2. Tony Romo is Adorable
-It’s hard to look at anyone in a Cowboys’ uniform and see them as anything but a spawn of Beelzebub. But thanks to those sharp, blue NFC duds, I saw Tony Romo through a new pair of eyes today. Those cheeks, those dimples, and that playful charm made me think…maybe he is human. Then I remembered the whole “he’s boning Jessica Simpson” thing. So yeah, not so human…

3. Derek Anderson
-He’s the quarterback of the Cleveland Browns. Didn’t know that. The quarterback is the most high profile position on a football team and I had no idea who this dude was until today. If someone had put a gun to my head before today and said “Name the quarterback of the Cleveland Browns or die bitch!” I probably would have stammered Brady Quinn’s name, peed on myself and then had my brains blown out.

4. Holding is your friend
-Did anyone see Adrian Peterson float into the end zone for the score at the top of the third quarter? It was awesome. Did you also happen to catch the two no-calls on the holding penalties during that same play? Even awesomer.

5. The NFC South Sucks
-The NFC South only had one representative at this year’s Pro Bowl. Anybody wanna guess who? Oh c’mon. Just imagine the most infuriating possibility ever, then double it and make it super gay. Are you thinking of a Buccaneer quarterback? You’re getting warmer…

6. Saints Players Should Never Take Part in the Pro Bowl
-Unlike some of you poor schmucks out there, we Saints fans could watch this game worry free. None of our players could possibly get hurt today on some stupid play in a worthless game. Instead, they can spend their off-season getting hurt in much more entertaining ways, like oh say getting stabbed in the neck at shady nightclubs.

7. Living in Hawaii Must be Fabulous
-Sure there’s the occasional life-altering volcanic eruption or minor hurricane, but when you’re guaranteed 80+ degrees in February, does it really matter?

8. Barack Obama won Maine
-They didn’t really get into the presidential election during the Pro-Bowl. I just got bored and started flipping around and happened to notice that not only was there another caucus today but that Barack Obama won it. I thought it sweet of the commentators to intentionally bore me into staying abreast of political happenings.

9. T.O. and Tony Romo Would Make Pretty Mulatto Babies
-The game also allowed us to see T.O. in a different light. During a fourth quarter interview after his second touchdown score, T.O. seemed to be beaming. His Col-gate smile flashed ever so brightly. I imagined his bright wide smile, mixed with Tony’s dimples, amidst a sea of caramel skin. Little baby T.O.mo would also have squinty, friendly eyes, a tall, muscular frame (just like his dads) and dark, curly hair. Oh, and he’d also be crazy as sin.

10.We Demand Asante Samuel…or else
That hit he laid on Adrian Peterson in the third quarter sealed the deal for us. Benson and Loomis better be ready to open up the purse. We need a talented Vet at corner, Asante’s available, for the love of God, let’s take him.

Filed under: pro bowl