Chicks in the Huddle

By now you’ve probably heard that veteran linebacker Zach Thomas veteran was released last week by the Miami Dolphins.  Maybe it was his injury-plagued 2007 season, maybe it was his age (34) or maybe Bill Parcells, the Dolphins’ new executive vice president of football operations, just didn’t want to show him the money.  Regardless of the “why”, Zach can now officially consider himself a member of  NFLMatch.com. He has dates set up around the league; even one with the New Orleans Saints.  

Zach Thomas has more career tackles than anyone already enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.  He is the Dolphins’ all-time leading tackler.  It makes the Chicks weak in the knees to imagine him lined up with Scott Fujita, our very own “Asian Assassin”, wreaking havoc together on Philip Rivers in London, Jeff Garcia in Tampa Bay and Brett Favre in the Superdome. 

Zach has already gone on his first date with the New England Patriots.  They surely gave him the grand spiel about their history of 4 Super Bowls in the last 7 years and they’re, uh, “handheld secret weapon” used to give them the edge when it counts.  After giving him their standard song and dance, they immediately made him an offer.  Zach had to see that they are obviously desperate because of their defeat in the Super Bowl. (Was it already 2 weeks ago?  Because the Chicks still get a happy glow thinking about it!)  Surely, Zach knows that the Pats are scrambling to sign whoever they can before the NFL publicly diagnoses them with the Spygate equivalent of crabs.   

When Zach arrives on Airline Drive this week, he will meet someone he knows very well.  The Saints’ new Assistant Defensive Line Coach, Travis Jones, was an assistant defensive line and linebackers coach with Miami for the last three years.  They will high five and congratulate each other for getting out of Dolphinville now that Pussface Parcells is running the show.  And then Travis Jones will whisper sweet nothings in Zach’s ear and assure him that there are many reasons that the Saints are the one and only team for him.   

Zach may have to visit a few other cities before settling down with the Saints.  Every smart bachelor knows that he should play the field just a bit before choosing his one true love.   Rumors are swirling that he’s chatted online with the Jets, Cowboys, Bills and Texans.  But those other teams are only teases.  The Saints are serious and ready for commitment.  They are willing to open their hearts and their purse strings for Zach, like a 60 year old down-low businessman scoping out the scene of she-males on that strip of Bourbon St. just past Cats Meow.   

Valentine’s Day may have come and gone, but love is in the air my friends.  (Or maybe that’s just the pungent scent of lust for a shored up Saints defense?)  Either way, we’re hoping for an ending that’s less “Flavor of Love” and more Trista from “The Bachelorette.”  Stay tuned.

-Chick-a-dee