The Other NFL Shop
The Black Friday of football season is just a few days away. It’s free agency baby! Come Friday, everyone from Asante Samuel to Randy Moss to Bengals Defensive End Justin Smith will be up for grabs. And you’d better believe some NFL owners are gearing up for this day like those ferocious women who camp outside Filene’s Basement for the “Running of the Brides.”
Who do the Saints hope to scoop up in their shopping spree? Well, let’s just say they need a wide receiver like I need yet another pair of black stilettos. So no matter how sexy Randy Moss might look in our offensive closet, it’s best we put our money where our true weakness lies: on defense. Of all the defensive free agents up for grabs, Asante Samuel looks like the most attractive candidate to plug our secondary holes. The Pro-Bowler and Super Bowl champ is better than Jason David and Fred Thomas combined. In fact, something tells me you could bind Asante’s hands and feet, slip him a roofie, and make Gumbo the dog sit on his chest, and he’d still have a better shot at catching a pick than our current roster of burnt like toast corners.
Of course, scoring a hot commodity like Asante is like uncovering a pair of adorable Christian Louboutin Metallic Bow Pumps in the 70% off bin at Marshalls. It’s a glorious stroke of luck that only seems to happen to the rich bitch burning a hole in Daddy’s credit card on her way to the country club. Besides, there are plenty of other teams who think our perfect pair of pumps a.k.a Asante would be a good fit. The Jets need help in the backfield and they’d probably just love to face their division rival Patriots twice a year with one of the Pats’ former stars.
Other rich bitches said to be digging through our sale bin include the Browns, Dolphins, Falcons, Giants, and Eagles. With so many teams opening up their purses, you’d better believe there will be nothing discounted about the price tag Samuel will set to be lured away from the Patriots. There’s talk he could want a 10-year, $100 million deal with $30 million guaranteed up front. (So much for our 70% off analogy.) It’s clear the Saints have the capacity to make offseason moves to afford Samuel. The question remains, does Asante come in our size?
Filed under: saints offseason
OK, here we go:
1. Could use a receiver
2. Cornerback too
3. An entire Defensive Unit
4. Tom Benson’s our owner.
Whew, OK, now:
I wanted to tell you I gave you the blogger award for endorsing Chris Paul to the part of the population who didn’t get out of pigskin bed yet. Their still catching Z’s………X’s and O’s. I’m taking the page off to make room for my Competence Only Policy.
Nobody is worth $100 M for 10 years, $30M guaranteed. I love Asante Samuel but other than the last few years, he had been a little fragile. Imagine, giving the guy $30 M guranteed money that will count against the salary cap for years and he gets hurt or plays lousy…
you’re probably right cd baker. hopefully that financial request is just an ugly rumor
Reading this post is making me think of Missy Elliott’s “Ching-A-Ling.” I can’t turn it off.
I just hope we get much more pass defense; and please, shore up the offensive line.
Okay, I am tired. I actually could not remember how to spell defense; defence; defense; How weird is that?