No, we don’t mean he’s found his perfect butt buddy in the form of a prison bitch named “Gerbil.”  He’s actually playing quarterback for the state penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas.  The facility’s kinda like summer camp, except there, the term “roasting marshmallows” refers to holding the new guy’s nuts over a lighter in the back of the mess hall.

According to an article in the New York Daily News, Vick is the “Big Con on Campus”, playing quarterback for both sides of the prison football team.   (We always knew prison would leave him playing for both sides…)  When he’s not protecting his tight end on the field, he’s likely, well… doing so off the field, along with writing letters to Falcons GM Arthur Blank.  Blank told the Daily News that Vick wrote to him about washing pots and pans for 12 cents an hour.  That’s just several gatrillion zillion pennies less than the 10 year, $130 million dollar contract he signed with the Falcons a few years ago.

In his letters, Vick also reportedly expressed remorse over his actions involving the dog-fighting ring that sent him to prison.  He says he expects to be a different man when he’s released next year.  Different, yes.  More mature, yes.  Still the object of our occassional “pre-dog fighting mess” lustful obsession?  We’ll have to wait and see if the prison weights did a body good.  Well, that and if his face his still blurred by the stain of puppy blood.