While recently flipping through the pages of US weekly, (don’t worry, I just read it for the pictures) I recently stumbled upon an article about Reggie Bush and his media whore girlfriend Kim Kardashian.  In the article, the skank bag, oh wait, we can get sued for that… the “alleged” skank bag gushes about her relationship with Bush and hints that wedding bells are just around the corner.  To that I yell, (while running toward him in slow motion) NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Why can’t I bless this union you ask?  Well before you make any accusations, only 65% of it has to do with the fact that I too want to have his fast, powerful yet poorly utilized/overrated babies.  What really makes the idea of their union puke worthy is the Hollywood circus that comes with it.  Does this mean I’ll have to watch Kim K. on the sidelines every other down like they used to do with Angie Harmon in New York, Elizabeth Hasselbeck during those 2 games Tim Hasslebeck played with the Redskins, or most recently those obnoxious shots of Jessica Simpson at the Cowboys’ games? 

Ugh.

Does this mean Reggie will be subjected to even more ridiculous appearances on the reality TV nightmare known as “Keeping up with the Kardashians”?  And what about Reggie’s desire to build a bond with the city of New Orleans and plant roots.  Do you really think a paparazzi hungry woman like Kim Kardashian is about to give up the coked out club scene of LA for crawfish boils in Destrehan?  Hmmph, when sex tapes fly…

So if you’re out there Reggie and you can hear me, don’t do it.  Go ahead and keep banging her, keep buying her ice, and keep frolicking with her on the beach.  Just don’t give her a ring.  I mean seriously, has Michael Strahan taught us nothing?