We sit through all the lows and lows of the ESPYs, so you don’t have to…

Best Shit-eating Grin: (Tie) Aaron Rodgers during any Brett Favre reference & Brett Favre during any Brett Favre reference

Best “Butch to Beautiful” Makeover: Venus Williams

Most Obvious Case of Sloppy Seconds: Michael Strahan, whose date was Eddie Murphy’s Ex

Most Likely to Have Stolen His Jacket from Prince: Braylon Edwards

Most Likely to Drop an F-bomb While Presenting an Award: Chris Berman

Best Display of Gay: (Tie) Host Justin Timberlake for his “I Love Sports” music montage and presenter Zac Efron for…existing

Audience Member Who Could Have Been Replaced by a Madame Tussauds Wax Statue: Victoria Beckham

Athlete Most Likely to be Defeated by a Teleprompter: (Tie) Venus Williams & Adrian Peterson

Most Obnoxious Omission from Best Team Nomination: LSU

Least Believable “Gracious Loser” Face: Danica Patrick

Most Likely to Thank His Gang During “Best Team” Acceptance Speech: Paul Pierce

The Will Ferrell “Only Here to Pimp My Movie” Award: (Tie) Will Ferrell & Brendan Fraser

The Pacman Jones “Out on Parole” Award: Kiefer Sutherland

Best Moment: (Tie) Tribute to Olympians John Carlos and Tommy Smith and Tribute to Kevin Everett’s Heroic Recovery from a paralyzing injury

ESPY Snub Deemed Worthy of a Chick-spy: Bill Belichick dissed in “Best Coach” category