We could start with the f*cks, but then you wouldn’t respect us in the morning. So instead, we’ll whet your appetite with the taste of tender Cardinals meat. That’s right, it’s preseason beeyatches. Tonight the Saints give Matt Leinart a reason to o-d on Asti Spumante.

Here’s what to look out for in tonight’s match-up when we pluck dem Cards:

1) Deuce McAllister, Jon Vilma, Jeremy Shockey, Mike McKenzie, Brian Young, Marques Colston, Devery Henderson, and Tracy Porter… drinking Courvoisier on the sidelines. That’s right, they’re sitting this one out.

2) Reggie Bush doing his damndest to get everybody to shut the hell up. Yeah it’s only preseason, but he’s already ansy. He’s sick of The Chicks hating on his relationship with K-Kunt. He’s sick of the media calling him over-hyped. And he’s sick of waiting to prove that he is worth the salary, worth the endorsements, and worth the Reggie mania of 2006.

3) Defense (Clap-Clap!) Defense (Clap-Clap!) While Reggie is proving he’s worth the hype, Jason David is proving he’s worth the honor of breathing. Saints fans were calling for his head since, oh about week 2 of last season. But for those of us willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, that he just needed time to adjust to the new system, there’s no time like week one of preseason to validate our support. If Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald light this dude up on the opening drive, it ain’t gonna be pretty!

Bucs:

While one would think Jeff Garcia would never be upset about another dude “entering his fold”, the idea seems a lot less sexy when that “other dude” is a quarterback named Brett Favre who’s out for his job. Now that “The Pack” has sent Brett packing, rumors are swirling like a disco ball at Jeff’s favorite hot spot that Favre’s next stop is Tampa Bay. If it is, so be it. Beating the Bucs with “Brett the Savior” on their squad will make the victory all the more sweet. Plus, Garcia’s anticipated emotional breakdown might finally convince him to ditch his beard and finally let his freak flag fly!

*Update: Sleepy easy, Jeff.  Favre is headed North.

F*cks!:

So it appears the NFL is gunning for us. The league approved a new code of conduct that forbids a few of The Chicks favorite things, as in drinking too much, yelling too loud, and having too much fun. (It’s like Catholic school all over again!) Roger Goodell’s Spanx are in a bunch over reports of unruly fans cursing and fighting and throwing things on to the field. And that’s just based on the last time the Chicks got together for a draft day happy hour.

You can expect new signs warning you of the consequences of disobeying the new Code of Conduct. Those consequences include getting kicked out of the stadium, being forbidden from game attendance, and playing 7 minutes in heaven with Michael Strahan. (Shiver me timbers!)

While we have no choice but to comply with these new rules, we can’t help but wonder: Will the Eagles pretty much just stop home games all together or sell the team to Brazil where fighting over football is way more socially acceptable?