In 2007, I nearly developed a severe case of writer’s cramp (which I misdiagnosed as carpel tunnel syndrome) due to week after week tirades on the Saints’ ridiculous secondary. I do not hope to repeat this in 2008.
Jason David, I said that I would give you an opportunity to redeem yourself in preseason. I wanted you to prove that last season was a fluke, or perhaps just a period of awkward adjustment, or a bad misunderstanding, or the result of a debilitating case of syphilis. After witnessing the events of Saturday’s night game against the Texans, I realize my initial summation was much more accurate; you suck.
Mid-season of ’07, I began a dark journey as a result of my frustration with your performance. My therapist tells me there’s actually an official name for that journey: The 7 stages of grief.
Stage 1: Shock and Denial (Weeks 1-10)
“Sure he couldn’t cover against his old team, the Colts. But they’re the Super Bowl champs. How could we expect him to?”
“Oh no he did not just let Joey Galloway burn him like that!”
“Oh c’mon…Issac Bruce?!”
Stage 2: Pain & Guilt (Weeks 10-13)
One time I got so pissed after watching Jason David peek into the backfield only to get toasted again, I stormed out of the room and stumped my toe. Now THAT was painful.
Stage 3: Anger and Bargaining (Weeks 13-16)
“What the f*ck is he doing?! I mean seriously…WHAT THE F*CK!!!! Does he want me to go out there and play corner? Hey Jason, want me to go out there and play corner? Why don’t you let me play and you can just sit these next few games out and take a rest, huh?! You stupid *BLEEP* *BLEEP* *BLEEEEEEEEP!!!!!*
Stage 4: Depression and Reflection (The Post-season to Pro Bowl)
I can’t believe we didn’t make the playoffs. We gotta do something about that secondary this offseason. I mean, I think we need to cut David and just deal with the cap blow. I don’t know. Somebody hand me another bottle of Vokda….
Stage 5: The Upward Turn (Pro-Bowl to Draft Day)
Well, looks like the Saints have signed Randall Gay. Must mean they realize we’ve got a pretty big cornerback problem. Maybe they’ll go for a solid corner in the draft.
Stage 6: Reconstruction & Working Through (Draft Day to Preseason)
You know what…maybe there’s hope for our secondary yet. I mean, the Saints have shored up their front four, which means there’s been some pressure alleviated on our weak spot. Plus, Jason David’s had a year to adjust to our system. Hmm…maybe our defense will be on target after all!
Stage 7: Acceptance and Hope (Preseason Week 2)
I accept the fact that Jason David sucks and I hope he gets cut.
Let me be clear Jason. It’s not even just about me anymore. It’s that I don’t think taking the field is healthy for you anymore. Allow me to play the role of Sissy Spacek’s mom in the movie Carrie. “They’re all gonna laugh at you! They’re all gonna laugh at you!”
Your confidence is shot, they’ll continue to pick on you, and you’ll continue to disappoint/live just under the low expectations set for you. It’s just not a good situation for either of us anymore. Even Coach Payton is starting to agree. So hit the bricks or rot the bench, either way…stay off that damn field! You’re a nice guy and I’m sure you’re a human being who deserves more than being on the hit list of an angry mob of Saints fans (lead by a ravenous Nola Chick.) Thank you for your contributions thus far, but I refuse to spend yet another season grieving what could have been.
Tomorrow: We discuss the return of Deuce McAllister in the first “Hit it and Quit it Tuesday” of 2008!