Here’s something I don’t usually admit to when staring in the face of any IRS Agent, German bikini waxer, chef at a questionable Chinese eatery, bald hair stylist, or Saints opponent: I’m scared shitless. Sure I think it. Sure I obsessively change my clothes mid-game hoping a different outfit will inspire a different outcome. Sure I kick my dog out of the house if I think she’s to blame for back-to-back 3 and outs. But no matter how ansy I might be at or before game time, I never say it aloud..until now.

Something about those Denver Broncos just doesn’t sit well with me. While I haven’t exactly made peace with putting this game in the “L” column like The Wang, I’d be faking it worse than suddenly “Lesbo Lohan” if I said I thought we had this game in the bag. From the cruel home field advantage of oxygen deprivation to Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal’s combined ability to feast on our secondary, I’d say the odds are stacked against us. Still, leave it to the Chicks to find light amidst a vacuum of darkness.

A Golden Nugget of Hope

The Drew Brees we saw last week is an anomaly. The odds of Drew going 22 of 33 for 216 yards, 1 TD and 2 interceptions in back-to-back weeks are about as good as a drowning Ed Hochuli getting tossed a life jacket at a San Diego Beach. Our prediction is that Drew’s on tap to bounce back this game against a Broncos team with a hit or miss secondary.

Phillip Rivers picked them apart last week, getting the ball to as many as seven different receivers. If Payton can get back to calling for deep pass plays, trick plays, or hell, anything over 7 yards, there’s a good chance the Saints can recapture the glory days of their fast paced, high octane offense. (And for the sake of my fantasy team, can we please get the damn ball in Shockey’s hands?!)

The (Black) and Gold Rush

When it comes to slowing down the Broncos similarly fast paced offense, the pass rush is key. We’ve gotta get pressure on Jay Cutler. If he gets more than 3 seconds in that pocket, we’re doomed. Jon Vilma must maintain his beastly ways and the rest of the defense has to man the eff up! We need Charles Grant bursting through that offensive line like Hollis Thomas at Harrah’s breakfast buffet. With Scott Fujita and Brian Young likely out this Sunday, it’ll be up to Jo-Lonn Dunbar and Kendrick Clancy to play with a passion reserved for Honeymoon nights and Olympic record chasing.

The Mile High

If you think we can’t win this game without at least a consistent running game, you gotta share even an ounce of what you’re smoking. The running game sets up the play action and helps the Saints control time of possession. Do we need to rush for over 100 to win? Nah. But we definitely need to do just enough with our running game for the Broncos’ defense to respect it. With that said, if getting Deuce heavily involved at this stage in his recovery means he’ll be in a wheelchair by age 35, I say we keep his play limited. I dig the guy too much to risk permanently scarring him over my selfish and sick desire to taunt opposing football fans. But if we’re only limiting Deuce’s play because we’re “saving him” for whatever fabulous play calling plans we’ve got down the line, well…well…that’s just plain dumb. And I can’t imagine that anyone on our coaching staff is that much of a jackass.

As for you Reggie, we request that when you score, you keep your little fingers to yourself. Rumor has it that all that taunting is leaving our karma in the crapper. But don’t just take my word for it…

An Even “Boulder” Prediction

Can the Saints win? Absolutely. Will the Saints win? I sure as hell hope so. Offensively, we’ve got the weapons. It’s all a matter of how we use them. Defensively, we’ve got some of the weapons and enough talent to hang in there so long as everyone brings their “A” game.

This game will definitely lead to a case of “the bubble gut” all Sunday morning (which, coupled with the “Eddie Crown Royal Shooters” should lead to a delightful evening of toilet bowl clutching.) Still, I’ve been a member of the faithful flock for far too long to convert to the religion of “Doubting Thomases” now. So, with my imaginary balls in hand and blind optimism in tact, I’ll just say it:

Saints 31 Broncos 17