Two no-name Saints players are accused of some downright sinful behavior that would make even guests of the Vikings boat party blush. According to nola.com, Police arrested benchwarmers Biren Ealy and Kolomona Kapanui and booked them with obscenity, public drunkeness and lewd conduct. Sounds like a regular old Saturday night for Nola Chick, but apparently these boys did something to cross the line from fun to foul.

First things first…who in the hell are Biren Ealy and Kola-whatever?? Ealy signed with the team in January as a wide receiver and Kapanui signed with the practice squad as a tight end last season. Now that the introductions are out of the way, let’s talk about their PDB…Public Display of Boners.

According to the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s office, the men got busted “watering the plants” so to speak outside the Palmetto Creek apartments in a New Orleans suburb. When a woman drove by and asked them to “put away their hoses”, the men allegedly turned around and showed off their other green thumbs. They also made some nasty remarks which weren’t released to the media. So, we’ve decided to make them up.

Ealy: “Hey baby! Wanna get tackled?”
Kapanui: “Yeah!! Can I squeeze into your tight end?!”
Victim: “You guys are douchebags!”
Ealy: “Oh c’mon baby. That’s unnecessary roughness.”
Kapanui: “Yeah, baby. Now get out the car and let me check out that backfield!”
Victim: “I’m calling the cops!”
Ealy: “Whoa, whoa. That’s too many men on the field.”
Kapanui: “Yeah!! Can I squeeze into your tight end?!”
Ealy: “Dude, you already said that.”
Kapanui: “Oh. Fa real? Wanna go pee on I-Hop?”
Ealy: “Oh hell yeah!”

Both men were held on $4,250 bond. Hmmph…not far off their annual NFL salary. Way to make a name for yourselves numb nuts. Oh, we mean…”alleged” numb nuts. (Damn lawyers…)