I thought jinxes only worked in fairy tales,
believed as true by some, but not by me.
Nothin’s out to get me, that’s the way it seemed,
optimism brightened all my dreams.

And then I saw the news, now I’m a believer!

Miami's Ronnie Brown -- OUT FOR SEASON

Everybody knows about the dreaded Sports Illustrated cover jinx, right? Well, I’m not going to talk about that. That’s just crazy! Does anyone actually believe that stuff? Not me. No. Never!

I’m going to talk about something far scarier: The Jersey Jinx.

You see, each player whose jersey I buy? Well, he doesn’t exactly have a happy ending.

Let’s take a look at my collection:

Zach Thomas: Seven-time Pro Bowler. Future Hall of Famer. Cut by Miami when the Tuna came to town. Handed over to Dallas. Unproductive, cut, and landed in Kansas City only to be cut again. Status: Not playing.

Jason Taylor: Six-time Pro Bowler. Defensive Player of the Year in 2006. Parcells barely speaks to him. He goes to Washington. Intent on supporting my favorite Dolphin, I buy a Redskins jersey #55. After all, the Skins are the home team where I live. He is unproductive and injured. (Yes, he came back home, but I’m gonna ignore that and hope Fate does too.)

Ricky Williams: Do I have to say it?? Do I have to rehash the misery that he put himself and me through?? Man, what a crazy journey. And when he initially returned to Miami? He got hurt!

Jay Fielder: Probably the best QB the Dolphins have had since Marino. The guy won games. He was on the cover of SI (*gasp* Maybe I should reconsider that jinx!). He got hurt and eventually cut by Miami. Signed by the Jets. Hurt. Cut. Signed by Tampa Bay. Hurt. Game Over. End of career.

Joey Harrington: One of the nicest guys. Happy to have him in Miami.  Had a chance to make a  fresh start when he was promoted to first string after Culpepper was injured.  Started slow, then won four straight games, including an incredible victory on Thanksgiving over Detroit.  But then later, he stumbled, was pulled from a game, replaced by Cleo Lemon, and thrown on the scrap heap.  Signed by Atlanta as QB #2.  Feeling sorry for Joey, and hoping that he’d have better luck elsewhere, I bought his Falcons jersey.  Michael Vick happened.  Joey is made the starter.  Maybe I’m *good* luck after all? Wrong.  Joey is cut.  Signed by New Orleans as #3.  He ’s happy in New Orleans.  The City of Jazz, right? The following year, the Saints decide to keep only 2 QBs.  Joey is sent packing.  Status:  At home changing diapers, watching his cousin Padraig on TV on the PGA Tour.

Chad Pennington: Comes to Miami after being kicked to the curb by the NY Jets. Always ready to pull for the underdog (*see Joey Harrington!*) and a sucker for articulate boys with southern accents, I’m in full swing jersey-buying mode! He takes it to his old team in the Meadowlands.  Takes the Dolphins from 1-15 to the playoffs! The next year he’s told he’s on borrowed time.  But I’m still in full underdog mode: Show ‘em your the better Chad, Chad.  Maligned by fans screaming for the other Chad.  And then he’s hurt.  Out for season.  Status:  Currently text messaging Coach Sparano, hoping he won’t be cut next year.

Ronnie Brown: Oh, Ronnie, say it ain’t so! Ronnie? Ronnie, I’m so sorry I did it to you, too.  I just bought your jersey this month, Ronnie.  I wore it for the first time on Sunday, Ronnie.  I was trying to support you.  What’s that, Ronnie? You want me to go where? Isn’t it kind of hot there? You don’t care if I rot there? Ronnie! *sniff, sniff*

To everyone whose jersey I’ve ever bought:  I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me for bringing trouble and misery into your careers.  Oh, and please, don’t anyone tell Brett Favre I just bought a #4 Vikings jersey!