If you woke up this morning and the first thing on your mind was scoring a $10 toaster from Target while not getting crushed by an angry mob, your priorities were all out of whack, my friend. This Black Friday, Nola Chick has but one thing on her mind: The Monday Night Blackout.

As you may have already heard, former Saint and forever hero Bobby Hebert has called for a blackout in the Superdome when the Saints take on Musty Gray Sweatshirt Man and the Legion of Doom. While orders from the Cajun Cannon alone would have been enough for these Saints chicks to get in line, the terror threat was truly raised to “level black” when we received direct orders to spread the word from the Saints coaching staff. That’s right, someone from the Saints coaching team reached out to Chicks in the Huddle asking us to help spread the word about the blackout, where all fans show up dressed in jet black, setting the scene for all out destruction.

It’s time to get into war mentality people. We are up against one of the supreme forces from the NFL’s Axis of Evil. I mean, can’t you imagine Bill Belichump going up to Drew Brees before the game and mouth-breathing “I AM YOU FATHER!” just to take our QB off his game? We need to fight fire with fire. Don’t just wear black on Monday Night but explore that dark force within and let it consume you.

We will have the support of our allies in this battle: Dolphins Chick, Bills Chick, Jets Chick, and the AFC South Chick. We must now do our part by wearing the proper attire, having our butts in the seat by kickoff, and being obnoxiously drunk, but not so drunk that we run out of steam by the fourth quarter. Lets prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that we are the new Superpower of the NFL. As for your era of dominance “Wild Bill”…it’s time we fade to black.