It was a blessing in disguise that I spent last week in Philidelphia, where the local networks opted to air the mildly interesting Eagles/49ers game instead of the pathetic and boring Bears/Ravens game. I can’t imagine why the East Coast isn’t interested in watching the glorious football organization known as the Chicago Bears. Oh wait, yes I can. We are embarassingly awful. That’s why!

The game recap (and the score of 31-7), provided me with all the information I needed. As usual, we had more turnovers than touchdowns. As usual, Jay Cutler perfected his passes to the other team’s defensive backs. And, as usual, we scored NO offensive points. Our lone score came from an Earl Bennett punt return. So maybe Special Teams gets to be on the Nice List. And Robbie Gould, because he never fails us. The rest of the team and coaching staff are getting coal in their stocking this year (and hopefully pink slips for Lovie and wRONg Turner).

If you’re one of those kinky sickos who takes pleasure in pain, I urge you to tune into the Bears/Vikings game next Monday night. I think the network plugged that game early in the season with the hopes that it would be an exciting match-up of rivals. Now, we all know that it’s really going to be a crucifixion of what little dignity remains with the Bears. Grandpa Favre is gonna get his jollies stomping all over the Bear cubs, while Lovie zenfully meditates on the sideline.

I can’t wait.