Pardon me while I step away from my shiny, happy, black and gold trance to go the f*ck off!
Fact: The Saints have a history of sucking.
Fact: The Saints played a tight NFC Championship game and were a few key plays away from not making the Super Bowl.
Fact: The NFC Championship referees did not call a perfect game.
Fact: The Colts are an experienced, talented team that will present major challenges for the Saints.
Fact: The Saints’ pitiful history and the team’s emotional connection to the city is the stuff of Lifetime Original movies.
Looking at the above list of facts, all of which no Saints fans could or should deny, you can see why so many people have their crusty underwear in a bunch about the fact that the Saints have made it to the Super Bowl. I mean, if you just focus on those facts and those facts alone, even a few wishy-washy Saints fans might be tempted to label this team a fluke, or just plain ole lucky. And it’s obvious they’ll get their asses handed to them by the Colts because they don’t even deserve to be in the Super Bowl, right? RIGHT?!
Well, let Nola Chick break down a little something to certain (not all) Vikings fans, several members of the media, and a generic assortment of haters out there who seem to think that Super Bowl appearances are based on some sort of lottery drawing or, I don’t know, whoever sold the most brownies at the county bake sale. You’re either envious to the point of ignorance, void of a soul and common sense, or you’ve gone mad due to what can most likely be attributed to an untreated case of syphilis.
The Saints were the #1 seed in the NFC with the second best record in the league. They achieved home field advantage throughout the playoffs, not by beating up on Notre Dame and Temple in the regular season. They beat actual NFL teams. In fact, they beat the dog shit out of several teams in the National Football League. Do you not remember? Allow me to recap.
Teams the Saints Beat:
Lions, Eagles, Patriots, Giants, Jets, Bills, Dolphins, Bucs, Falcons, Redskins, Panthers, Rams
Teams the Saints Beat the Dog Shit Out of:
Eagles, Patriots, Giants, Jets, Bills, Comeback ass-whipping against Miami, Bucs
Okay, so we’ve established the Saints are good enough to beat NFL teams. Cool. And apparently, they can beat them convincingly. Alright, great. Now what about the fact that half the teams we beat had less than stellar records? My rebuttal is that the other half were legitimate playoff contenders until the very end, 3 of them made it into the playoffs and one of them made it to the AFC championship game.
Too bad we couldn’t prove ourselves in regular season like the Vikings, who faced the likes of the Browns, Lions (twice), Bears (twice…and got beat once), Rams, and Seahawks. Not to mention they had just as many “almost losses” (since apparently those now matter) in their regular season, like that miracle play against the Baltimore Ravens at the end of regulation in Week 6. Oh don’t think I forgot, homies. Nola Chick NEVER forgets. But you see, I didn’t judge you based on what you almost did. A win is a win. It’s all about the W. That’s what y’all were yelling in regular season, at least.
Fast forward to the NFC Championship game and suddenly, it’s the opposite of Brandy’s song. Apparently, “almost” does count. Let me ‘splain something to you people. When your team turns the ball over 5 times, when your QB chokes in the clutch and when your special and defensive teams can’t hold their own in overtime, there’s nothing “almost” about it. No one gave the Saints anything on Sunday. The defenders stripped those balls from your players on 2 occasions and I’m pretty sure Brett Favre wasn’t intending to throw a pass to someone in a black and gold jersey. The Saints defense made big plays when it mattered most and your team suffered the consequences. That’s how this game goes. Perhaps this is just the first year you paid attention, you bandwagon freak. Had Favre won in a close game, he’d have been hailed a hero but when the Saints win, it’s dumb luck? Kill yourselves.
Oh, and as for the ref complaints…the refs shat on both teams and the Saints were more heavily penalized in the game. 9 penalties for 88 yards against the Saints compared to 5 penalties for 32 yards against the Vikings. And for all of you boo-hooing over a missed roughing the passer call on Brett Favre, consider it a make good for the “unnecessary” unnecessary roughness call your qb got earlier in the game.
“But it’s not fair. They were hitting our quarterback so hard. He’s made of glass. Boo-hoo!”
This isn’t a f*ckin’ ballet class. This is FOOTBALL!!! It’s tough, it’s dangerous and that’s just how Brett Favre likes it. Don’t hail him as a rugged warrior one day then treat him like a porcelain doll the next. We don’t roll like that.
Sidebar: Here’s a friendly reminder to you Cowboys crackheads. Your team didn’t make it to our dome. You got stomped on by the team we beat. How the hell can you fix your mouth to say “you deserved to go to the Super Bowl.” Bitch, this isn’t some school field trip to Disney World. You don’t get points for good behavior at the end of the year. You gotta win to make it. You’ve gotta give your all. And if your all wasn’t enough, then it wasn’t your year. Better luck next time, loser. Go cry in your billion dollar stadium and choke on a Tex-Mex meal.
As for you “media machine”, well you’re just a predictable asshole. “We love the Saints!..The Saints are rusty…The Saints are unstoppable!…The Saints suck.” You know who sucks? YOU DO!!! According to your calculations, I should be lacing my grits with arsenic this week as I prepare to do whatever it takes to miss the Cowboys and Jets battling it out in the Super Bowl. Can the Saints lose to the Colts? Absolutely! Will they? Well I don’t know, freak. That’s why they play the game. I can tell you that the Saints have one of the best offenses in the league so they’re more than capable of giving the Colts a run for their money. I can also tell you that just as the Saints have some weaknesses, so do those precious Colts. Sure the Saints might get their hinds handed to them. But you know what, they can do a pretty good job of waxing some tail too, especially when they’re motivated. And you, media schmuck, have been giving them all the motivation they need.
Final point: We may hail from the Big Easy but NOTHING has come easy for this team. Sure we’ve sucked in the past and sure we have some sappy story that makes for good headlines but no one handed us a damn thing. This team worked their butts off this season. They gave everything. The league would have loved a Vikings-Colts match up just as much as the big wigs are salivating over this one. No one “fixed” the playoffs, you internet forum jackass. That’s the most ridiculous, asinine thing I’ve ever heard. Wanna know what I think about this whole “fixed” theory? I think whatever creature that spawned you should have been “fixed” nine months before you exploded onto this Earth as a living, breathing accident. Geaux F*ck Yourselves…all of you!!!
The Nola Chick has spoken. Oh, and Who Dat!
And now back to my regularly scheduled, black and gold, happy place.