Rodents, people who say “stupposedly” non-sarcastically, wet tissue paper (or moist bread), the word “moist” and the sound of silverware scraping against the bottom of a kitchen sink: the only things I hate more than all of these things, are the Atlanta Falcons. So as you might imagine, I’m particularly embittered this week by the thought of those “Dirty Turds” traipsing their way into my dome with some sort of delusional expectation that they could actually steal the crown as kings of the NFC South. You look like a nice guy Matt Ryan. Alas, I spit on you.
The rivalry between the Saints and Falcons is decades old and yet this year, it feels so brand new. You see for the first time ever in the history of this contentious match-up, one of these teams is a Super Bowl champion. (Obviously I’m not referring to that Georgia team whose most notable accomplishment is back-to-back winning seasons. Too bad they don’t make a trophy for that by the way. Maybe you guys could even hold a parade down one of your many Peachtree streets…) The Saints are now clearly the big brother in this battle and baby brother will coming marching into New Orleans drunk on a moonshine known as “pride” with all kinds of scores to settle and “worthiness” to prove. Ain’t gonna happen though…and here’s why.
1. The Drew Factor
Drew Brees isn’t so much the big brother of the Falcons. He’s their daddy. The Saints are 7-1 against the Falcons with cool Brees at the helm. Even his bad games against the Falcons are good. He just knows how to close it out against this team and send them crying home to mama.
2. Dome Field Advantage
The Falcons haven’t won a game in the Superdome since 2002. Do you even remember anything about 2002? Names like Janet Reno, Lance Bass and Slobodan Milosevic were in the news. Any of that sound relevant right about now? Yeah, that’s how long ago it was. In fact, the last time the Falcons beat the Saints in an away game, it was the year we were desperate and downtrodden after Hurricane Katrina, playing all of our “home games” in San Antonio.
3. The Reality Check
The Falcons have the edge in the series, (45-37). They can cling to that thought to get them through the night after we give ‘em the beat down. C’mon man! We’ve got Super Bowl swagga, actual hardware. Not just some, “well we went one time 15 years ago and loss” nonsense.
While these teams traditionally play each other close, even with Reggie Bush out, the Saints’ offensive weapons are a force to be reckoned with. The Falcons’ defense has historically had big trouble keeping up with the speed of our wideouts and putting pressure on Drew Brees.
While the Falcons “D” has managed to keep its first two opponents of 2010 in check in terms of total points per game, it’s important to keep things in perspective. Their first opponent was the Steelers, a team forced to start its 3rd string quarterback. Their second opponent was the Cardinals, a team that has to rely on an inconsistent Derek Anderson to make things happen. Doesn’t exactly sound like the “NFL elite.” Not to worry, though. They’ll get a reminder of what it’s like to play against the big boys come this Sunday.
I respect their running game so I predict a match-up that plays out closely until the 4th quarter, when the Saints break away and put the dagger in the heart of those poor Falclown fans who traveled down I-85, to I-65, to I-10, just to watch their team get beat…again. It’s okay baby brother, the more you lose to us, the more you just might learn from us.
I hear the Falcons new team anthem is “Rise Up.” Nola Chick says, “Child please. Go sit yourself down.”