If you came here to read a post where I bash the Saints for that pathetic performance against the Cardinals on Sunday, you’ve come to the wrong place. Not only am I not about to engage in an explosive rant against my home team, but I’m actually prepared to explain to other fans how Sunday’s craptastic, piss poor display, in every aspect of the game, wasn’t quite as bad as it seemed. And away we go…
A rookie and a Super Bowl MVP take the field. One keeps his composure despite turning the ball over a few times during crucial points in the game. The other one is Drew Brees.
My beloved QB appeared to be the victim of some sort of sick and twisted “Freaky Friday” switch. That’s the only plausible explanation for what happened in Arizona. (Seeing as how Detroit QB Shaun Hill put up such dramatic numbers against the Rams, it’s safe to assume he was the beneficiary of this weird science.) Brees was responsible for 3 picks and countless moments running around looking scared and confused. But as a long time fan of this team, I think it would be unfair to blame such sloppy play on Drew. I say, blame it on his unborn child.
Whoa, whoa…hear me out. What I’m trying to say is that Drew’s got a baby on the way. His wife could go into labor at any moment. He even took to his Twitter account a few days before the game asking fans to help him name his baby. Isn’t it feasible he’s a tad distracted? Maybe the football reminded him too much of a poopy diaper and he just wanted to get it out of his hands immediately. What else could explain us getting to the red zone 4 times and only coming away with 1 TD? So, here’s hoping Brittany eats some spicy food or something. We need that baby out…and stat!
The Big Comeback
We’re all beat up and banged up and we’ve got star players out, but they’re coming back soon. Reggie Bush might be back in a couple of weeks if you believe his overly positive Tweets. And Darren Sharper and Pierre Thomas might be able to take the field again as early as Sunday. We’ve weathered the storm through some pretty serious player injuries having only lost 2 games. We should be thankful, right? RIGHT YOU SONS OF B*TCHES?!
Sorry, got off my meds for a moment. Moving along…
It’s Not Really the Saints Fault. The Ball Hated Us
Rookie Cardinals QB Max Hall fumbled twice in the game and not only was one recovered but the other was recovered for a Cardinals touchdown. John Carney lined up for a no brainer 29 yard field goal and he missed it. We were on the other sides of games like this last season. They come and they go. You move on.
We’re Not Cowboys Fans
Think about it: their team was crowned Super Bowl Champions before the season even started. They have to watch Tony Romo stink it up every week while drinking $15 beers and eating a $23 footlong. And get this…their team is TOTALLY healthy! They’ve got no excuse for underperforming in such a superb fashion.
See Saints fans, it ain’t so bad. I know it sucks watching our boys not only play in close games against mediocre teams but to get their asses kicked by them. It’s important to keep perspective, though. We’re not healthy. Our quarterback is distracted. Oh, and Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan sold his soul to the devil.
With all this said, if we lose against the Bucs, I’m gonna have to peel off my Super Bowl XLIV happy face and go the f*ck off.