The Saints revealed the sad news that they are cutting ties with my greasy-haired hero, tight end Jeremy Shockey. While there’s nothing shocking about the Shockey diss, that doesn’t make it hurt any less. In his short time with the team, it didn’t take much for old Goldilocks to quickly become one of my favorites. I mean, who else have you seen in a black and gold uniform “riding the bull” after a big play? Below, I reflect on some of my favorite moments of Jeremy Shockey’s tenure with the “Who Dat” nation. Join me, won’t you?
You know how when you have a bad breakup, you have those visions of running into your ex and you just happen to have some fine ass hottie on your arm and you’re in a Ferrari and your hair looks stunning and you’re toned and sexy and in the fantasy your ex looks like he/she just got hit by a dump truck? I’m thinking our boy Jeremy lived out that little fantasy in his own way when the Saints manhandled his ex-team the New York Giants last season. The 48-27 throttling came with the dismantling of Eli Manning. That vein in Giants Coach Tom Coughlin’s neck looked like it was about to give birth on the sidelines to a smaller, baby vein, then in a maddening rage, eat the baby vein. That’s how mad and embarrassed Shockey’s new flame made his old flame feel. While I’m sure he’d never admit it publicly, you gotta think he got a hard on from watching how that sweet revenge unfolded.
Shockey Makes a Fan’s Dream Come True
When Jeremy Shockey took to Facebook in April of last year offering up a “dinner date” with the lucky lady who sent him the best video, these Chicks had visions of scenes that would make Hugh Hefner blush showing up in the tight end’s inbox. The post drew in more than 300 responses in a matter of hours. When Chicks in the Huddle broke the news, the word spread like wildfire. So much so that Shockey had to “deskankify” his game plan by changing the contest to a search for the best “fan”…not lady, “fan.” He ended up picking a 12 year old boy named Tyler to take to dinner. Now that he’s no longer with the team, you think he’ll share some of those video entries?
Gotta love Vegas. It brings down even the biggest and baddest of men. TMZ’s cameras were thankfully there when our boy had a little too much fun kicking it in Sin City. And when TMZ’s around, what happens in Vegas ain’t staying anywhere too long. The paparazzi snapped Shockey making us proud…flirting with chicks, drinkin’ it up…and getting taken from the Hard Rock Hotel on a stretcher. Nice. Official word was that he was “dehydrated”. Yeah, I tend to get a little “dehydrated” on the weekends myself.
His antics inspired this delusional post on how a night out with Nola Chick and the Shock-mesiter might just go down.
Shockey’s Super Bowl Shuffle
Of all the Saints I wanted to get into the end zone on the Super Bowl, this dude was high on my list. When it happened, it was more awesome than even I could have imagined. With just 5:42 left in the game, Drew Brees completed a two yard catch to my main man. The score put the Saints ahead and was followed up by a two point conversion by Lance Moore. Here’s what #88 said of the greatest 2 yard catch of his career.
“It’s very special,” Shockey said. “It’s gratifying to even be in the game, much less catch a touchdown pass. I’ve put in a lot of hard work for this since I was in seventh grade. Everything worked out for a reason. ? This feeling is about as special as it gets.”
Finally, here he is in his ultimate awesomeness doing a shoot for ESPN the magazine.
Thank you Jeremy for your contributions to this team. Thank you for the badass that you are and always will be. And if you ever need a wing-woman for your after-hours antics, you know Nola Chick is always down. Who Dat forever!! (Unless of course you sign with the Falcons, in which case, curses to you!)