Douche #1: “Go my team!”
Douche #2: “Your team sucks!”
Douche #1: “What did you just say?”
Douche #3: “Yeah, what did he just say?!”
Douche #2: “I said your team sucks. Go MY team!”
Douches #1 and #2: “Oh hell no!! Let’s get him!”
I’m not sure if that’s exactly how the conversation went down that led to what looked like a MMA fight in the stands of the Raiders v. 49ers game over the weekend, but either way, I can’t imagine it was much more complex. Maybe it wasn’t a conversation at all that lead to the brawl. Maybe someone spilled someone else’s beer…or someone had the audacity to wear the colors of the opposing team to their rival’s home game…or maybe it didn’t take any provocation at all beyond a few too many sips of courage juice and a buffet of ignorance to bring an entire group to blows both inside and outside of the stadium, because maybe some folks were just put on this Earth to make the rest of us feel better about ourselves.
If you haven’t seen the video yet of these NFL fans gone stupid, feast your eyes on this.
Things didn’t get much better outside of Candlestick Park. After the game, a girl fight, and not the sexy kind, broke out in the parking lot. There was hair pulling, jabs to the face and everything else you’d probably expect from a group of “Bad Girls Club” wannabes. And of course, there was the usual crowd of fools holding up cell phone cameras so that they could “capture the magic.”
Is she screaming “no pulling on hair”? As if that’s the real crime in all this!
Not to be outdone over on the East Coast, another YouTube video surfaced which showed Ravens and Chiefs fans sending their remaining brain cells to the brink of extinction.
Equal opportunity stupidity: gotta love it!
Given that a decent seat at an NFL game will now run you what some folks used to pay for season tickets, I’d like to think we can all still go to a game nowadays and engage in some friendly smack talk without anyone ending up in a coma. How pathetic that folks who are actually shelling out their hard earned cash to bring their families to a game now have to worry about whether their toddler will get slugged in the face by a douchebag whose sucker punch was off the mark. I realize that what happened in the stadiums over the weekend is nothing compared to what happens in other parts of the world during soccer matches, but I’m thinking “at least no one died” is not exactly an achievement we NFL fans want to hang our hats on.
I also get it that liquor mixed with the intensity of pro sports can often be a recipe for silliness, but what we witnessed at these games, these PRESEASON games at that, goes far beyond silly. It is reckless, ruthless and repugnant. (That’s right, I’m so annoyed I have to illiterate my point!) If in fact these fights broke out as the result of someone “repping his/her team”, I suggest these people turn down the volume on their Eminem CDs for just one moment, just long enough to escape their world of faux bravado, and realize that double teaming someone at a football game, or jumping someone in a parking lot, doesn’t make you look hard or like a “real fan.” It just makes you look like the worst kind of jackass. Not the fun kind who gets drunk and dances in the middle of a party before pissing himself. I’m talking the very dukes and duchesses of douchebaggery who you’d expect to see on a reality show yelling “You don’t know me!” before stumbling into a pool of his or her own vomit. So can we all just take a few deep breaths and realize that as much as it must suck to be a fan of the 49ers or Raiders or to live in Baltimore, there is simply no excuse for turning a relaxing night out at the ballpark into your own thug paradise. The rest of us, the TRUE die-hard fans, actually just wanted to see the damn game!