Remember that time a woman snuck a hand grenade hidden inside her Kate Spade purse into an NFL game? Or the time that mom managed to get a machete into a stadium by hiding it in her toddler’s diaper bag? Oh wait a minute, those things never happened. Which begs the question: why is the NFL banning women from bringing their purses to games?
This ridiculously unnecessary rule change is supposed to be under the guise of “safety” and “line efficiency”. To be fair, the rule also applies to backpacks, coolers, computer bags and briefcases. (But who the hell brings a briefcase to a football game??) The NFL insists that if it doesn’t have to do bag checks, the line will move faster and there is less likelihood that someone will sneak in a banned item. Of course, it would be downright cynical to assume the league is about to start marketing its own line of clear tote bags to force the hands of us female fans, who couldn’t possibly fit tampons, keys, binoculars (because most folks can only afford “the cheap seats” nowadays) a cell phone, tickets, and money in the pockets of our skinny jeans, to buy yet another overpriced product. Yes, much too cynical to assume that, except for the fact that it’s already happening.
The league will still allow clutch bags or anything smaller than a clutch (which I’m guessing means business card holders.) Or you can carry around a 1 gallon Hefty ziploc bag. Because there is no better accessory to the NFL Shop jersey I just shelled out 100 bucks for than a plastic sandwich bag that shows all my “bidness”.
Look, I get it that folks don’t need to be packing for a football game like they’re spending the night at Grandma’s. But it seems almost hypocritical for the league to be aggressively marketing its products toward female fans while also implementing a rule that in many ways disproportionately impacts them. If anything, how about create a security line for “bags” only and “express lines” for people without bags. That way, folks who would rather not be bothered with the extra security screening can zip through the line. And those who don’t want to walk around with a sandwich bag of maxi pads can sacrifice line speed for the joys of not telling the world you’re on your rag.