The Eagles Are Who We Thought They Were

Eagles 30, Chargers 33, Sunday, September 15, 2013

After week one, we were all like: “Hey! Maybe the Eagles D isn’t too bad!”

Nope.

Turns out, the Skins are just that bad this year.

Stud of the week: Michael Vick, clearly, who had a career day with 428 yards, two thrown TDs, one run TD, and no turnovers. DJax had a good day, too, as did Shady, with a career receiving day. And I love to see DJax blocking – all heart!

Sure, there were a few misfires between Vick and Jackson – hard to believe someone could overthrow DJax, but there you are – and an ugly pass to Jason Avant that even Mr. Catches Everything couldn’t handle. But normally, you would think that, if your team could score 30 points, all would be well. And in 10 games this week (well, ok, 11, because even though MNF has just started, I doubt either the Bengals or the Steelers will top that), that would have been the case.

As we all suspected, the offense rules and the defense drools.

But the defense was just awful. My reconstruction of the sideline discussions among the defensive coaching staff:

“Let’s blitz up the middle!”

“Go for it!”

“That didn’t quite work.”

“Hey! What should we call next? How about a blitz up the middle!”

“Woo!”

“Hm. Another big completion for the Chargers.”

“What’s up on the next play call?”

“How about a blitz up the middle?”

“Make it so!”

“This is looking a little rough. What do you think we should do?”

“I know – let’s try…A BLITZ UP THE MIDDLE!”

How many times do you have to try to get pressure on Philip Rivers, fail, and keep at it? Why didn’t someone say, “You know, that whole blitzing up the middle thing isn’t going so well for us. Why don’t we try covering the receivers for a change?”

Everyone’s making a big deal about the sideline signs. The defensive coaches, when they weren’t busy trying to get the corner backs to steal second, showed, among other things, a Rocky defense and a Ben Franklin defense.

As far as I can tell, the Rocky defense means: “Let Philip Rivers beat up on you like Apollo Creed beat on Rocky Balboa at the end of the original Rocky.” I’m guessing the Ben Franklin defense is, “Cover the Chargers’ receivers like you spent the entire morning and afternoon at the bar with Ben Franklin, trying to keep up.”

The Chargers receivers were running WILD in the secondary. Most times, the Eagles’ safeties and CBs weren’t even in the same time zone. It was some sorry-ass playing. Blown coverages, blown assignments, blown tackles and some unlucky calls (yes, I know Malcolm Floyd controlled the ball the whole way through that sideline circus catch. On the other hand, HE FAILED TO GET TWO FEET DOWN IN BOUNDS. JEE-ZUS.). And you can rattle Philip Rivers. But only if you can get to him. The Eagles did as well getting to him with three guys as they did when they brought the house, which is to say, not at all. Oh? And Nate Allen? Should be traded to the Jaguars. Stat. (They are my new “getting sent to the woodshed” team, taking over from the Raiders. Who beat them this week, by the way.)

Dear God, this is going to be a rough year.

At least we have the consolation that every team in the scrub NFC East division lost this week.

Oh – and I’ve got the Chiefs on Thursday night, if anyone’s asking.

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About Snarky Eagles Chick

Snarky Eagles Chick, a.k.a. Elizabeth, has followed the Eagles since the age of 5.
Twitter Handle: http://twitter.com/ewengel

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