When you’re the fan of a team that doesn’t make it to the playoffs, the NFL postseason can be a dark, cold and dismal place. You might find yourself tempted to send hate tweets to that running back who fumbled the ball on the goal line…or the quarterback who threw a pick 6 with victory within reach….or the kicker who freakin’ shanked a chip shot that your grandmother could have hit. I mean, it was just 25 yards for the love of God. AAAAAHHH!!!!!!
But there are other ways to channel all that negative energy that won’t end in a restraining order. In order to survive a postseason without hope, why not focus your passions on hating all the teams that would make you just vomit all over yourself if they actually made it the Super Bowl or *gasp* won it? You may not have anyone to root for but there is always a team out there to root against! Just take a look at the teams that are in round 2 of the playoffs: New England Patriots, Denver Broncos, Indianapolis Colts, Baltimore Ravens, Seattle Seahawks, Green Bay Packers, Dallas Cowboys, Carolina Panthers.
That’s a “d-bag-palooza” if ever there was one! And if you just can’t bring yourself to sort out which teams are the lesser of two evils, not to worry. We’ve taken the liberty of doing the dirty work for you.
Baltimore at New England
Belichick and Brady. Nuff said.
Carolina at Seattle
Do you really want 2 more weeks of watching Pete Carroll moving his jaws like a goat as he attacks a stick of gum on the sidelines? Plus, what are the odds Richard Sherman will treat us to back-to-back seasons of postgame victory rants?
Lets do this, Panthers!
Indianapolis at Denver
This one is admittedly tricky. The Colts have an inspiring coach and an only mildly obnoxious fan base. The Broncos have Peyton Manning, a guy who somehow finds a way to make me pity him, despite the fact that he’s a Super Bowl winning millionaire. But since I am in no way prepared to stomach the overly dramatic “Peyton chokes in big games” argument that will inevitably play out between Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless, let’s just play it safe here.
Bronco Nation stand up!