Texans J.J. Watt + Proms=No

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Attention random women of America: J.J. Watt is officially over you. The Texans defensive end is not moved by your "Harlem Shake" or "Call Me Maybe" YouTube videos. You can send him your "selfies" but don't be offended if he auto-deletes. And seriously, don't expect this dude to be your prom date. But don't just take our word for it. Take his! Watt is apparently so fed up with being solicited that he had to take to his Facebook page to complain. He's letting fans asking him to do everything from dedicate a touchdown dance to them to marry their 6-year-old (ew) that he's not into it. Not even a little bit. (Read more on J.J. Watts cyber-smackdown.) … [Read more...]

Post bye week = a bust

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Two weeks ago, I swindled my brother into "writing" my Titans-Bills recap for me. This week, following that 21-9 loss to the Texans, my dad offered up free "inspiration," either because he too wants a shot at the spotlight or because he knew that beneath my unusually calm post-game demeanor lay roiling turmoil. Either way, he posed some good questions and brought up some valid points I feel compelled to share with you. First, he wonders why--with some legit talent--this team still can't consistently perform. "In my humble opinion: it's clear that Billsdom is very disappointed in the team's performance this year and I am in agreement, but the reasons for their  subpar performance are … [Read more...]

The Season Is Over. Now What?

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Congratulations, Giants!! You proved the world wrong by winning the Super Bowl in a year that you weren't even expected to make the playoffs. You made Gisele Bundchen drop the f-bomb in a tirade against her hubby's team and you pushed Rob Gronkowski to dance shirtless to LMFAO. Consider all of your preseason missions accomplished! While Eli and the G-men and most of the Tri-State area soak up the win, what about the rest of us sorry saps who not only are left out of the party but have nothing to fill the void the end of the football season leaves behind? I mean, what are we supposed to get excited about now? March Madness? Tiger Woods? Should I be obsessively Googling the words "Awesome … [Read more...]

The Super Bowl Is More Important Than…

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...apparently a whole mess of stuff, according to the average American. And I thought it was just me and my fellow chicks who suffered from an odd, unhealthy obsession with the game. But nope, it turns out the rest of you are a bunch of weirdos, too! Hooray!! According to a survey run by CouponCabin.com (I know, I know...but just hear me out), 20% of people said they would miss a loved one's funeral if their favorite team was in the game. (Say what?!!!) 21% would miss an important work responsibility and 20 percent would miss the wedding of a close friend. (If someone cares so little about the Super Bowl that they would plan their wedding on game day, are they really worth being friends … [Read more...]

2011 Divisional Weekend Picks

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Texans at Ravens: I know just last week I realized I should've stuck with my former Team of Destiny, but unless they manage to bring all 70,000 Texans fans with them to M&T Bank Stadium - and I think the Ravens fans might have something to say about that - I think they're in trouble this week. Ravens. Giants at Packers: The Giants are the popular upset pick in my office football pool (no cash at stake, just smack talking/bragging rights). I'm thinking "rested" not "rusty" though, and I'm going with the Packers. Broncos at Patriots: aka Jesus versus Satan, the Sequel. Even though he won last time, I'm still putting my money on Dr. Evil and his Yankee henchmen. Hey, I tend to root … [Read more...]