Tag Archives: Dallas
Madame CowboyChick’s Palm Reading
Come in! Yes, we’re open! We were closed for a few days. In mourning. You understand.
Yes, come forward, old man. Your name? Brett? How do you say that last name? Farvererer? Ugh, I’ll just call you Brett F. Sit there, old man. Right hand, please. Ok, let’s see. Hmmm, yes, ah, your career line, it’s very prominent. You’ve had much success, yes? Hmm, well, this is strange. Oh very strange. I’ve never seen anything like this before. Your career line seems to swerve in many different directions. What could that mean? Have you had drastic changes in your career? Had to make a few decisions? Hmm, well, all I can say is your decisions have upset the apple cart. Your decisions were very poor, old man. You did not choose well. Things are NOT as they should be BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!
DeSean Jackson, that was stupid. Very, very stupid.
Well, the priest (a lovely man) just left our house. The exorcism worked!!! I was so happy I sent him home with an extra tray of lasagna. Feeling very generous these days. You understand.
Now, it’s time to get down to some dirty work. The doorbell just rang. It’s obviously DeSean Jackson. I’m going to make him take his shoes off – we don’t do that around here but he doesn’t know that and this will be a one time visit only.
Have you met Ms. Crabapple?
I have a headache. My bun is pulled so tight my eyes hurt. My pencil skirt has cut off all circulation to the stomach region. And, I can’t see because I’m wearing horn rimmed glasses that aren’t mine. The only thing that makes me feel better is slapping this ruler on the desk so hard that even you can hear it.
Ssssmack! Ahh. Ok now, let’s begin.
Who Dat? Who Dat? …Dat would be the Cowboys!
I once worked for this partner who used to make fun of my New Jersey accent and I would think “It’s true. I do have an accent. Do you know what else is true? You’re fat. And, you’re pasty. Ever consider a spray tan, Doughboy?” Of course, I never said this out loud … and I’ll always regret it.
I was reminded of this – this idea of just letting out the truth, the whole truth, you know the rest – before, during and after last night’s game. And, so, here I go. Why not?
Run, Forrest!
It would be easy to blame it on Romo. I’d say ‘How dare you and Miles Austin go to Vegas after Thanksgiving?! Can’t you save the strippers and the Patron for the post-season? Maybe after a Superbowl?!’
But, the truth is that the loss to the (gulp) Giants wasn’t Tony Romo’s fault at all. The truth is our three star running backs weren’t very … starry-like.
Especially, Marion. It hurts to say it but yes, Marion, I’m talking to you. Can you please look up at me when I’m speaking?
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