Super Bowl Blackout: You’re Welcome

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Oh New Orleans, you did it again! In what would otherwise be considered a snoozer of a Super Bowl, you added a little color. (What? Black is a color!) Without that bizarre power outage in the dome in the 3rd quarter, the highlight of the game would have been Jacoby Jones' touchdown dance a.k.a The Beanie Weenie. I mean, I guess the touchdown itself was cool but the dance? That was just stellar. It seems like when the lights went out in the dome, all the energy transferred to the 49ers. Up until then, they couldn't move the ball or stop the Ravens. After the blackout, they scored 17 unanswered points. It finally gave us fans what we had been waiting for: a competitive football game! Of … [Read more...]

Super Bowl 47 Picks

AKA the HarBowl, and yes, 47, because I'm just not playing with Roman numerals any more. The Ravens and 49ers face off this Sunday. Both teams have good stories. It's Ray Lewis's *last* time at the rodeo. Colin Kaepernick came in mid-season and set the NFC West on fire. Plus, Chef Spouse's boy David Akers. The 49ers have never lost a Super Bowl, and they've played in - and won - five, behind only the Steelers. (The Ravens have also never lost a Super Bowl, but they've only played in one so far.) Also, Harbaugh v. Harbaugh, which is like Spy v. Spy, only in color and with fewer explosives (THAT WE KNOW OF). As usual, what I'm mostly rooting for is a good game. Well, unless the … [Read more...]

Have Fans Lost the Super Bowl Forever?

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A group of die-hard 49ers fans thought all their dreams were coming true. They were scouring the internet for pseudo-affordable tickets to watch their team take on the Ravens in Super Bowl XLVII this Sunday in New Orleans. With most resale tickets going for about $3000, which is double face value, it seemed like all hope was lost. That is until they found a seller on Craigslist willing to offer them four tickets for a little less than $6,000. He claimed he could no longer go because his wife was too late in her pregnancy to travel. They spoke with him on the phone several times. He seemed legit. He said all they had to do was wire him the money and he'd ship them the tickets. So they … [Read more...]

Let’s role play

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If you're a Bills fan and you're sick of hearing/thinking/talking about how traumatizing the season was, raise your hand. Great, me too. So let's not. Instead, let's role play. The scenario: we're in the Super Bowl, not the Patriots. Now I'll tell you what my life would be like if that were the case and then you can tell me what your life would be like in the comments section below. This is a therapy exercise. For a second, we'll experience all those sensory emotions that we've been lacking. Sidenote: Please play with me! Nobody ever likes to play with me anymore so I'll probably end up playing with myself, as usual. Get your head out of the gutter. Here I go... I'm homeless and almost … [Read more...]

Snarky Eagles Chick’s Super Bowl 46 Picks

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The Giants and the Patriots will be facing off in Indianapolis this Sunday, February 5. You know, just in case you've been living under a rock or so mesmerized by the Republican debates that you've forgotten about all other types of media. If you recall, the last time they met in the Super Bowl - a mere four years ago (but I'm not bitter) - the Giants played spoiler to the Patriots' attempt at a perfect season, beating the Pats 17-14 and significantly aided by David Tyree's miracle helmet catch. I don't think that's going to happen again. Yes, since I can't have what I really want - a time machine that will take us back to week 4, when the Eagles SHOULD have woken up (as opposed … [Read more...]